Chris Kabwato
Way back in the mid-1970s, my family worshipped at the Pentecostal Church in Zimunya Township, some twelve kilometres from the city centre of Mutare.
Our preacher was Reverend Piniel Chimuriwo. He was a simple man – always clad in his one grey suit every Sunday.
He led us as we sang “Munesimba muropa regwayana”. Rev Chimuriwo loved to learn the songs from the ChiChewa hymn book that my father brought to every service with his favourite being Wina Atikonda Ife.
The church had an established Bible school courtesy of the financial support of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada who were the real drivers of the spread of Pentecostalism then.
Whilst the Canadians had their privileges and pensions, Reverend Chimuriwo lived in near penury.
When he passed away, the same Pentecostal Church did not treat his family with any modicum of dignity.
The racism in the early Pentecostal Church in Rhodesia was what would drive Ezekiel Guti and a small group of people to break away in the late 1960s to form their own church in Highfield.
These pioneers were at that time driven by their faith. But independence would come and with it a society that rapidly changed in response to local and global political, economic and social factors.
There was no return to innocence after that.
Enter the Apostle and the prosperity gospel
Into our desperate society has stepped the ultimate con artist – Papa Prophet the Thief.
Those wallowing in poverty, the financially stressed, the sick, the bereaved and the lonely look to the church for hope, strength, security and fellowship.
They seek community, an identity and an affirmation that despite their social status they are the sons and daughters of a greater God. But access to salvation does not come free.
The new-fangled prophets, apostles and bishops are not shy to ask for donations and tithes. They are not your coy Anglican or Roman Catholic types that feel guilty talking about money.
These ones will advertise for donations as the preacher shames you for your lack of personal faith that is holding back your blessings – a new job, a new sales contract, overseas scholarship, promotion, marriage, wedding, new baby…
The contributions do not end – Papa’s Christmas gift, Papa’s son’s wedding gift or Mama’s appreciation gift.
Then there is the array of stuff to purchase: Papa’s latest book, anointed oil and prayer cards (filled with POWER).
The prophets can only align with the government of the day to safeguard their assets and their lives.
They will never ascribe the problems of Zimbabwe to a deranged collective still chanting the liberation struggle mantra whilst destroying public infrastructure and killing business.
It is suicidal to a prophet’s business model.
With their roving eye and philandering ways, the Papas always appear with their demure wives by their side projecting the stable, happy and blessed family.
The wife can only be an appendage to their ministry – never can she be the Bishop, Apostle or Prophet. After all – no matter your personal experience – a woman can never lead a home.
Learning from the best – Billy Graham, Jim Bakker & Jimmy Swaggart
But you have to give it to our Papas for imitating and surpassing the real originators of mass digital evangelism – our dear brothers from the American Bible belt, such as William Franklin Graham Jr, better known as Billy Graham, Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker.
Where Graham perfected the art of stadium crusades, Swaggart and Bakker jumped on the television wagon.
Graham’s crusades possibly influenced the South African Assemblies of God to bring us a week-long revival called Mutare kunaJesu in 1982.
It was a week in which the adults claimed miracles happened – the disabled walked and the bewitched were exorcised.
For my brother Rex and I, we were just happy that the sermons for that week were recorded on TDK D90 radio cassettes which we joyfully erased as we recorded Radio 3 reggae sessions and borrowed LPs.
In 1977, one Pat Robertson led the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) into new territory by delivering religious programming into homes across the USA 24/7 via the emerging cable delivery systems.
Evangelist Jim Bakker with his Praise the Lord (PTL) Network joined the bandwagon and in the 1980s he leveraged both cable transmission and satellite syndication.
Dude expanded into all sorts of areas including a theme park called Heritage USA. It was estimated that at one point our Man of God was raking in $1 million per week from viewer contributions.
Asked about his use of the mass media, he replied, “I believe that if Jesus were alive today, he would be on TV”.
When Bakker and Swaggart were tripped by human nature
Jim Bakker was brought down by two scandals in 1987. He was accused of sexual misconduct by Jessica Hahn, his church secretary. Our pastor paid $279 000 to Ms Hahn hoping the matter would disappear.
The evangelist had to serve time in prison for illegal misuse of ministry funds – a euphemism for dipping his fingers in the church cookie jar.
A celebrity lawyer argued for leniency for the scumbag and stated he would make sure Cde Bakker would never again mix “religion and commerce.”
Jimmy Swaggart, a rival of sorts to Bakker, appeared on CNN and declared that the fallen televangelist was a “cancer in the body of Christ”.
Well, a year later in February 1988, Swaggart became involved in a scandal of his own after being caught visiting sex workers in New Orleans.
But the two dudes would bounce back – even writing books about their “fall” and the lessons learnt. You can’t keep a good man down.
Jesus Chris the Radical
The tragedy in the drama of the Prophets – whether it is fake resurrections or fake educational qualifications – is that the meaning of Jesus and the new covenant he represents to Christians is forgotten in the drama.
For the believers, Jesus came on earth as a human being, symbolically being born in a manger.
The symbolism in that is the shunning of materialism. No wonder then that as an adult as he goes about his ministry, Jesus confronts the Gold Mafia mentioned in the Al Jazeera documentary.
Sorry, I had fast-forwarded. Let’s rewind to 2000 years ago and hear from Evangelist Matthew in Matthew 21:12
12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there.
He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it a den of robbers.’
To bring it home, you can imagine Jesus doing his MMA stuff on the Harare charlatans selling “anointed oil”, “prayer cards” and the like in the synagogue.
Jesus and the Samaritan woman – an insult to the Alpha
But the Radical Jesus does not leave it there. He also comes for those who push ethnic and male chauvinism. In John 4, Jesus is thirsty and decides against ordering sparkling water. Instead, he chills by the well where a Samaritan woman is drawing water.
Jesus, with his Jewish heritage, is not supposed to be speaking to this “foreign” woman. But he is not the alpha bigot. He chides his disciples as they question him about the Samaritan woman. In John 4:23-24 he says:
23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”
Apostle Paul has the last word
If the Apostle Paul were to come back to earth today he would write two further “letters”: Epistle to Nigerians and Epistle to Zimbabweans.
The two letters would contain the same kind of admonishment: the crass materialism of the self-styled apostles with their mega-churches, private jets and ostentatious houses.
He would also mention the duplicitous behaviour when it came to hobnobbing with presidents, ministers and politicians oppressing the people and breaking into the national cashbox.
Paul would have praised Reverend Piniel Chimuriwo and commended him for his sacrifice in that humble church in Zimunya five decades ago.