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I was watching past episodes of Larry King Live last week. There are short clips where he asks his guests questions which would help his audience know them a little bit more beyond the fame and accolades.
I turned the questions on to myself and answered them as if I was the guest.
The one question whose answer surprised me, was: “What is something you long believed to be true, but found out wasn’t” Before you continue reading, ask yourself that question. What is your answer?
My own answer was instant. I long believed that I was loved unconditionally.
This answer was both surprising and jarring because it made me realize even more, the power of self acknowledgement, self-love and self growth.
To love yourself, you have to fully appreciate yourself through what may look the good and the bad – not just when you behave well and do well. Love you for all of you.
We talked last week about self love and what it really means to love you first so that you will know what it is to truly love another.
And that self love is not an event that just happens once, it has to be a recurring acknowledgment of who you are and what you bring to the table.
Now the reason that this question about what I long believed to be true, but wasn’t – was not about pointing fingers of those I didn’t feel should have loved me in the way that I needed them to love me.
It is more about me not loving myself enough to spend time with myself understanding my worth as a human being, my worth as a child of a higher power, me, just as I am and way before I step out into the world.
One of the things I started doing, was to write a list of all the unloving things that I did to myself or felt I had to do, according to other people’s rules. I listed some of the questions below.
See if any of these unloving acts resonate with you. The more we realize them, the more we can get on that journey of increasing self love and appreciation:
Have you taken a job that you didn’t want to do, just because that is all you though was there?
Have you gone into a friendship, a marriage, a business deal, a trip, an adventure that you know was not good for you or aligned to the person you were or growing into?
Have you put other people on pedestals or bent your own back to allow others to climb over it and then blamed them for the bending of your back? What else can you add?
Have you bought something just because you were seeking acceptance from others, but not necessarily because you wanted that thing?
Have you moved through life using other people’s directions, without figuring out which direction you yourself wanted to go on?
And with that, hoping that things would turn out well, and when they didn’t you pointed fingers at other people and or external circumstances? What else can you add to this?
Love begins with you.
Acknowledge the greatness within you. Once you have completed the list of ‘unloving things’, list all the good decisions that helped you sit in your own greatness.
This may sound cliche – but remember that there is no one else like you. Noone can be you even if they tried. So why not be the best version of yourself right?
Listen to that inner voice within you. Make time for it whether though prayer, meditation, quiet time, a walk, listening to good music – whatever it is that brings you utter joy – that is you connecting to your inner power, your inner spirit, soul and God – call it what you will. You are special. You are unique. You are you.
You are love itself. External love and validation should be a bonus to what you already are.
Say I love you to you first in words, actions and deeds, then step out into the world with a cup full and overflowing.
Not to get out from another person, but to be an example of the grandness within.
Sending you love, grace and gratitude for the love that you are today.
Barbara Mutedzi is a life coach